You haven’t got to be royal to plan your own funeral

It’s been mentioned many times over the last week or so that Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, planned the details of his funeral.  Many, many times...

He had a hand in everything from the hearse to the music, the readings to the fact that there was no eulogy.

Prince Philip thought about his funeral in advance and made sure that it not only went as he wished but that his family knew what he wanted.

That’s a lesson for us all.

There’s no reason why all of us can’t write down what we’d like – in as much or as little detail as we want – and so give our own families the same relief at not having to second guess our wishes.

All you need to do is make some notes and give as many copies as you like to whoever you trust to put the arrangements in place when you die.  Don’t forget that if you change your mind or want to add something, you’ll have to make sure that everyone gets a copy of the new version – and do put the date on all of your notes.

You can write the entire order of service if you like, but you could start off by answering these questions:

• Do you want there to be a funeral service, or do you not want to have any service at all?
• Burial or cremation?
• Religious or non-religious?
• Where do you want the funeral to take place (eg which cemetery or crematorium)?
• What favourite readings or music would you like to have in the service?

There are lots more details into which you can go if you want, but any choices that you make in advance will help your nearest and dearest when the time comes.

Planning the details of your funeral doesn’t have to include paying for it, but if you’d like to take this step have a look at Open Prepaid FuneralPlans.

The main thing is to make a start – put something on a blank page and come back to it as often as you want.

When people have some information they are grateful not to be uncertain about what they are doing.

There is one caveat: you might find that your family and friends are not comfortable with your plans.  They might be more traditionalist than you, or simply feel that there should be more or less “fuss” than you have specified.

For this reason please have a conversation about what you’ve decided and why.  Explain your decisions and try to get people to accept your point of view, whatever that might be and even if they disagree with it.

Prince Philip made sure that he got what he wanted; we can all do the same.  Why not make a start now?

You might find these links helpful in your planning:

https://www.funeralinspirations.co.uk/

https://www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/

http://www.naturaldeath.org.uk/

An Event-ful day?

Today might be the day that the fallout from The Event is finally dealt with.

However, such is the obfuscation by The Organisation that it might not be.

It's now 142 days since The Event.  The Organisation has told me that there is going to be a meeting between three Managerials today at which The Event will be discussed, but it may not make a final decision on what to do with me.

I've not been given the names of two of The Managerials (although using Google I think that I've worked them out) and to a great extent it doesn't matter, but it adds to my general paranoia and feeling that everything is being kept behind closed doors as much as possible.

For example, the purpose and aim of this meeting is not clear; they don't know if it will result in a final decision; I have never been privy to the full process and therefore have never known what to expect to happen next; the whole thing has lasted 142 days so far with no hint of how much longer it will take nor if there is any limit on the duration.

I asked to be allowed to attend the meeting, which I assume will be held online due to The Plague, but this request has just been ignored.  No answer at all, not even a "No".

I don't think that any of The Managerials have got any experience of working in The Organisation apart from working as safeguarding people, and I'm very worried that they will therefore have no idea what is "normal".  That's certainly the impression that I've got from the correspondence so far.

One of The Managerials can't even spell the name of The Organisation correctly on Linked In.

I think that there's a very high chance that they will reach a Guilty verdict (although in complete contradiction of established English legal principles I have been treated as guilty since the start), not least because it's probably easier for them in terms of work: "Get rid of him, close the file. Next."

In addition, I seem already to have been removed from the database of The Organisation.  I've asked, but again they won't tell me why.

I'm certain that this would be the wrong decision and manifestly unfair, and that the whole process has been flawed from the beginning.  I would certainly challenge a Guilty verdict, even though The Rulebook of The Organisation says somewhat undemocratically "There is no right of appeal against a decision made by ...the authority who approved the suspension."

The result of all of this is that I'm sitting here trying not to think about the meeting that may be happening at this very moment that will decide my fate.  Two more things that I haven't been told are when the meeting is, not when I can expect to hear about what happened there, so I could be doing this for some days to come.

It seems pointless and borderline sadistic to spin things out like this.  I hope that I get the chance to influence the way that such matters are dealt with in the future, because I wouldn't want this to happen again.

132 days since The Event

The Event took place on Tuesday 4th February 2020. It has led to some dramatic changes for me, although they have been mitigated somewhat by the changes that have affected everyone since the plague became fashionable again.

For the vast majority of those 132 days (36% of 2020, I'm told) I have heard nothing from officialdom about The Event, or what long-term consequences it will have for me. I've been left to stew in my own juice, assume the worst and rely on the unending patience of my wife.

When I was finally allowed to know what the problem was and from where it came, I believed that things would start to move on.

Sadly that has not, so far, been the case.

The stage that we are now at is repeatedly blaming the pandemic for any and all delays, telling me off for not answering questions that were not asked, and making vague references to a "process" that is supposedly being followed.

I've no idea why this process could not have been outlined to me in full at the start, nor whether or not it contains any timescales which should be adhered to. As far as I know it isn't published anywhere and for all I know could be being made up as they go along.

I've still not been given a copy of the process, so I don't know what happens next.

This is somewhat annoying when The Organisation spouts all the usual corporate platitudes about being "open and honest" whenever they have the opportunity. I'm sure that they will react badly if I point this out to them.

That's the thing about The Event and others that are categorised with it: the people that deal with it at The Organisation are prone to misinterpreting anything, and always in such a way as to make things worse for The Accused.

Whatever you do, don't ask questions; don't get other people to write in your support (even though no-one has been asked for a character reference as far as I know); don't point out their mistakes; and definitely don't expect them to be even slightly on your side.

The things is, you see, that the normal fundamental tenets of British law do not apply in The Organisation in relation to The Event.

You are guilty until proven innocent.

In a complete turnaround from the normal judicial process, it's up to you to prove that you are innocent. "We've got this that shows that you did something wrong, we've already suspended you, why should we let you back eh?"

Despite this, and because I don't know the process, all that I've had has been a list of accusations and questions that i was sent with a request for answers to the questions.

Having sent my answers it turns out that this was in fact the only chance that I was going to get. There was to be no dialogue and no follow up questioning, and no opportunity to present statements from character witnesses or indeed from the person who was in the room and witnessed The Event.

You might expect that these statements would have been obtained as part of the "investigation" (a word that has been used many times but seems to consist merely of asking me questions and deciding whether or not The Organisation likes my answers), but you're forgetting that you're guilty until proven innocent, so why should they make work for themselves?

I didn't realise at the time, but the fact that the first question that I was asked was "Do you want to come back to The Organisation?" should have tipped me off that it's much easier for them if I just go away, rather than try to prove my innocence. My saying "Yes, I want to return" was probably my first mistake.

Where are we now, then? That's a good question. I don't know, because I haven't seen a written copy of the full process. I've been told that I'd hear something "in the next few days", and then what I actually heard was "likely to be a few days" more.  It appears that there are double standards in operation here, given that I only had 9 days to reply to the questions or my membership of The Organisation would be automatically cancelled.

I'd like to think that I'll get answers to my questions. I've asked several, and they've been studiously ignored. That at least is in line with my previous experiences of asking questions of The Organisation that they don't want to hear, but this is a bit more personal so I will be chasing them no matter what the outcome.

At this point I think that all options are open. I'll be severely distressed if they uphold the "guilty" verdict (which as I mentioned above they have already reached, and I have had to try to overturn) because I firmly believe that I've done nothing wrong. I've no idea whether the invisible process includes an appeal, but since these are available for every crime in the real world, I'll be expecting to make one should they stick to their guns.

A levels day

Today is the day when the results of A level exams are released.

That seems to mean that one has to post uplifting, congratulations-but-don't-worry-if-you-didn't-succeed messages on social media and blogs.

In a spirit of being contrary I won't do that.  The same will go for GSCE day next week (or whenever it is).

Bad language

There are many things that wind me up.  One of the regular irritants is the use and misuse of language.

I will say before I go any further that I have no special education or training in language or grammar, and that I was taught only the basics in my bog-standard comprehensive.  I make no claims about my abilities being massively better than anyone else, and I'm sure that those with more talent than me will be able to pick many holes in my writing.

I have particular problems with the correct use of "its" and "it's".

However...

There are some basic mistakes that are frequently made, and there are more and more changes that I feel are simply lazy or slavish copies of the way that other countries use English.

I don't blame Americans for "Americanisms"; it's up to them how they do things and I think that we could all be happier if we just let them get on with things their own way, while we do things our way.  I'm not just talking about language here.

There's an argument that "English is an evolving language".  That's true to an extent, but it's also used as a catch-all excuse for all sorts of poor habits.

There's also the knee-jerk reaction that "you're just a grammar-Nazi".  That's just lazy.

My argument is that (in theory at least) we are all better educated than ever before, and that there is therefore no excuse for bad habits or not even knowing that you're wrong.

Here are some of my pet hates.  I'm sure that more will be added:

• Starting a sentence with "So..."
• Ending a sentence with "...or whatever."
• Treating the word "that" as if there's a world shortage of it.
• Inventing ugly new words such as "Brexit" that just allow you to keep your sentences short.
• Calling any group of people "guys" no matter what their age or sensibilities.
• Waiting staff instructing you to "Enjoy" rather than hoping that you do so.
• Answering the question "How are you?" with "I'm good".
• Saying "Chats/talks with" instead of "Talks to".
• Using "boxset" instead of "boxed set".  I don't (usually) want a set of boxes.
• "Reaching out" instead of just "asking".

My blog, my rules

There is no format to this.

I'm going to post on any old rubbish as I think about it.

I make no promises about how often they'll appear.

I'm sure that you don't care anyway as you're not reading this.